Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
