sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
