you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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