Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
