Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
how drunk are you?
Several
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
