mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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