He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize