my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
