this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
