Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
