You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
