i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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