from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's blow job season.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
