I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
