Having a random hookup so left but love u
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
