i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize