Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
