Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is Oprah even human
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
