see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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