i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
