so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
