I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wow bdsm is so cute
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
