I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
