that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
