I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's not cheating when I paid for it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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