It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
