so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
