Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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