That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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