i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
