So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
