I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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