he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
