Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
