The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
