how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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