The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
