How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
