What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
