Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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