Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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