I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
