I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
