Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
