Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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