I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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