no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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