She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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