apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize