Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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