i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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