she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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