you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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