i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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