my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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