I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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