Nicole vs. Life
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
