Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
