I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
