First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
