Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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