if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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