Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
