If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
