No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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