Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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