dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
