coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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