that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize