you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
