Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
