it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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