There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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